so the year's about to end. 2007.
the year of my adventures, lies, hopes, and anger. it is the year i cried too much, made a lot of lies, made promises, heard promises, made adventures, and the year i learned whom among all the people in the world to value.
2007, though it started so well and ended not so good, will never be forgotten.
in this year, i met new friends.
loved old friends.
found new enemies.
discovered and heard the nonsensical of all things.
and read harry potter book 7. (ahahaha)

2007 was more of drama. histrionic (as some may say).
but because of all the dramas, and comedies, and not to forget the tragedies and mishaps.. and all the drinking sessions, parties, and out of towns that i've had.... i learned.. that it is only i who can conquer myself. (ahaha). only i.

and on my upcoming 18th year in this world...
it is only i whom i will trust
only i whom i will listen to
and only i whom i will follow orders from.

for on my 18th year... it is all about who i really was, am and will be.

i am extending my great big true hug to the following people.
* my sisters, of course (ate jen, may, cel - who has been with me through dark and hell)
* my friends (the long table)
* my cousins (dom, aj, kuya pao and danica - who never gave up on my shallowness)
* my dad (who is the source of our resources)
* my neighbors (who helped me get the key inside our house)
* the husband of my sister (who even though often piss me off, still helps us)
* ate jackie (whose voice irritates me but has been a really big help to us)
* kuya jon and kuya pepo(who made me laugh this christmas)
* aura (who's such a nice friend)
* anne (the only person whom i am willing to stop my world just to talk to her [we're both not lesbians,okay])
* marga (who patiently listens to my stories which i never end)
* patty b (who has been often available for me)
* detdet (who made me think happy thoughts when sad)
* ki (who is forcing me to stop what i thinking about my stupid thoughts)
* tito vanny (who cleaned up our mess in pangasinan)
* nikka, tep, lia, eryn and ayel (whom i have had adventures with)
* nikka again (whom i got drunk with almost the time)
* my blockmates (of course, i love you all)
* tita linda (special thanks to you)
* and of course, kuya i (you won't be forgotten in my "people whom i want-to-hug) list)

2nd sem has started.
and i am here in a computer shop with my blockmates who happens to be playing counterstrike while myra and i are already bored surfing the net.

god knows how many sites i have visited... but i ended up here... blogging.

what a lame thing to do.
hmmm. i've been really emo lately. what have i been doing? ahaha. being emo and stuffs. really really lame. ahahaha. but good thing i've found some people to talk to.. and tada!!! im super feeling weel na.

anyhoo, have really nothing to do.
:D

ciaO!

fear.

i am getting more afraid of facing every morning.

i am close to being a schizo.

and guess what....

no one cares about it.

im close to being insane.

i need help.

i need a hand.

i need to be happy.

fear.

it's slowly killing me

and sucking the joys out of me.

fear.

i hate it.

but it flows through my veins.

since i wake up this morning

since i felt weak.

fear. it kills me.

god knows what i have been through recently. gosh! i have been through the most hell-ish days of my life..

oh well, im trying to move on.

wounds of a broken heart.

harr harr! sigh. im trying to get on with life. in fairness, i went back to the province, and once again, i felt the home-y ambience and the security it gave me way back 1600s. it has been a long time since i stepped on that land. and i have missed the provincial atmosphere. and... honestly, i wanted to go back to quezon again. pero.. ahaha. wounds of a broken heart...wag muna. dito muna ko manila.

im trying to adjust to big changes.
and again a person just disappears.
promises again broken.

sigh. good thing i've talked to my most trusted friends. and i can't believe that i have confessed almost everything that had happened to her. teehee. sa bagay, i can't keep my own secrets. and for the first time in 2 months, i didn't weep before i sleep. but my eyes are still.. a bit swollen. but im used to waking up with those kinds of eyes - heavy, swollen and tired.

so what's up with me lately?

i won't deny that i am not well. im depressed and wounded and scarred and all that. im back to being a drama queen. im lonely. im emo. and im wishing that i could withdraw myself from the outside world.

once, i have been my own world with someone. and it didn't last that long. it was destroyed by an unknown powerful force. once, i have learned to believe in things unseen; in magic, in promises, in plans... but slowly everything just disappeared and part of that everything is that only person i have believed in. everything just happened once. and it also disappeared at once.

once, i held on to something i haven't seen and up to now im still clinging on to it.
but should i stop now?
should i let go?
should i be what was i was before?
should i return to reality?
should i stop believing in my own beliefs?
should i go now?
should i withdraw myself?

i honestly have so many questions in my mind, but it always ends on the same scenery... with myself bursting into tears, believing, hoping, and wishing that everything wasn't a dream... but a reality.... and that every promises made were not proofs of an overused cliche.

once i have had made a sanctuary.

and i am hoping... that no matter what, that stays where it was, protected, standing and and undestroyed.

one thing that i have been looking forward on my college life is the looooongggg sembreak. i have been stuck at home since tuesday, and i still have a month to spend for the long semestral break that i have been looking forward to. god! i didn't know that it can be this boring. hmmm. i was looking forward to it... because i was planning to go somewhere north to have my skin tanned under the sun... but. okay.. it was cancelled because the people who are supposed to be with me can't go. crap.

oh well, so i guess i have to spend my savings for a little shopping (since i have been repeating clothes last sem in school) and ... hmmm. going out with my friends (college or high school friends).

well, i can stand the boredom.. at least im not having strenous days in school. i prefer being bored than lacking sleep because of many homework.
god! i still can't believe that im already a college student. i'm sooooo free. :D

suddenly,

i was disconnected.
all connections broken.
all blames thrown at me.

i got disconnected...

you happy now?

well, if that's what you want, go... have me disconnected.
but don't make their connections with you broken.

you have me tattered.
you have me torn.

happy now?

nobody messes with my love ones.

you got me disconnected... you want me disconnected...

i hope you're happy now.

in the past, i remember myself being open to everyone. i never had my own world, or if ever i had, i find everyone so welcome in it. but now. a chosen few stays. and i feel as if that i have to have my own world again. a disclosure from everyone for me to be free again and for me to find myself again.

i am completely lost in this world full of strangers. i feel so endangered. i am exposed to some people whom i thought i knew well, already, but now, i find them just like most people -- they're strangers to me.

let me be free again. i am having a hard time to cope up with the changes in characters, in situations, in everything. let me have my world back. if needed, let me be alone again. i want to retrieve what i have lost -- myself.

you who have judged me have taken my self-esteem -- the only thing that was left in me when i lost almost everything. and i hate you for that. really, i hate you.

i want to be alone again
i want to find my home again
im lost, completely lost
and haunted by everything that was done to me.

i want to find myself again
in a world where i got used with solitude.
let me be free and be able to sing and dance to the music.


anf if ever i'll be myself again, i'll be opening my world again, not to everyone like before, but to people whom i know deserve to be in it.

i am in a different at this very moment, lost, wounded but struggling.

so everyone's enjoying the loooonnnngggg weekend. 6 days of doing anything you want. me? wednesday was hell boring. thursday... i went out with my high school friends and watched a love story. friday... hmmm, i went out with my sisters and ate in yellow cab and chef's de angelo. teehee... got pretty full that my tummy didn't have space for dinner. saturday... slept all day in bed since it's comfy and cozy and it was soooo cold even though i was wearing my sweater and im wrapped in our comforter.

hmmm. dinnertime came, and i got a pasalubong from my elder sisters.. sundae from jollibee! fits my cream of mushroom soup. ahaha. had a nice dinner. we were laughing all the time.

living with all my sisters was really missed. i mean, without ate jen in the house, there were less moments of laughters and more of arguments. but now, dinner won't be complete without all the stories and laughters we share. teehee. mushy na.

ahaha. sige i've got to go. that's it for my 4 days of break.. 2 days more. then hell day, hell week, hell month will come.
shitty.

:D

-----

love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired - mark twain.

have i changed?

was i better?

im sorry.
im sorry if im like this
if i happen to be so stubborn
if im selfish and don't think of what others might feel
im sorry
if i do what i want
if i don't follow rules
if im always hesitant
im sorry
if i sometimes seem to not believe you
if im pessimistic
if i seem not to consider your opinion
im sorry.
i really am sorry.

but i mean it when i say im sorry.

i really do.

sigh.

maids can be soooo annoying. crap! how can they blab personal secrets?!? how can some of them be so fickle in terms of loyalty. actually, based from my recent experience,,, some maids really don't have loyalty to the people they serve. and oftentimes, they spill all your secrets to the people next door. so i might as well not speak anymore to our maid for my own safety.

b!tch.

sigh. how i wish my protector was here.
= (

watched the simpsons movie and ratatouille a while ago. both movie were good. i enjoyed both. but as always, the simpsons made me laugh. ahaha. spiderpig! spiderpig!

life's actually getting better. im having fun and i don't worry that much anymore. our house, as usual, is nothing but a boring place. i don't get to talk to the people in here that much because some are ignoring me, others are busy watching the tv or surfing the net, and some are just staying in their room. i wish i have someone to talk to in here. or someone who can just listen at my rubbish stories.

oh well, but my life's better in peace.

peace. what a crap. i don't think i'm really living in peace. ever since that day came (judgment day), everything was not settled in peace. my thoughts. myself. my moments. they're all not in peace. always anxious of what will happen next or how i'm going to deal with the bad consequences that might happen.

honestly, i don't know what to do. how to fight for myself. im left not alone but feeling alone. and that sucks, actually.

sigh. im just wishing that everything goes back to normal.

there was a "semi batch reunion" a while ago at shakey's katipunan. it was fun actually. i saw some of my batchmates in high school and get a chance to talk to them, and hug them again. aww. how i miss high school. i kind of miss our school uniform too.

so how's ateneo? you may be asking that... it was okay. not that great yet, but ain't that bad. it was on the neutral line. not bad, not good. just okay.

i've kind of adjusted na to the "college life". it was hmmm. for now, kind of easy. i mean, i have less load and less work. maybe because im in basic english... but hmmm... for now, i can say it's still easy. and i can say that im still enjoying the "easy life". i get to wake up at 9am, and it feels just like summer when i wake up not so early. unlike when i was in high school, i am forced to wake up at 5 in the morning.

hmmm.just so you know, i belong to a nice block. and although there are still factions, which i think, we can't really control, we still meet at the same point. meaning, we still have something in common which i think is ahaha normal.

so there, that's how i can describe my first month stay in THE ateneo. ahehe.

PS. i wonder why they put so much emphasis on THE in the "the ateneo".

rules. why do we follow rules? or shall i say... why do we have to follow rules? why do we have them, anyway? for peace? for harmony? for justice? for bullshit? oh well, i have nothing against rules. really. it's just that, i don't think i have to follow all of them.

people should go beyond what they think they can do and beyond other people's expectations. i know, we all have the knowledge of what our limits are. therefore, we should be doing what we want, like or ought to do.. as long as we don't hurt others and blah blah blah...

i'd be following what i want. because sometimes, following rules is the one that hurts others... that hurts me.

ateneo is wayyyyy too different from holy - the way they teach, the environment, the people... actually, everything and everyone is so different from my life in holy.

second day of being in ateneo didn't went well. i unintentionally have a cut already in my pe class because i arrived an hour late from the given start of session - which makes it, the end of the session. then math came next, and i was like... waaaah... why do we have to solve problems on the first meeting. then filipino. diagnostic test only...but waaaah... killer test. and after taking it, i was like... CRAP. hello filipino 10.

waah. im afraid that i might start my college life with all the basic subjects which are considered to have zero unit and just waste my money for it.

anyway, im having a headache... so i guess, i have to get some rest first.

in 3 hours time, my first class in college will be starting. im a bit scared, actually. even though i already know who my blockmates are. o3 is actually fun.... but i still feel uncomfortable with the "ateneo culture and ambience" since i have been in holy spirit for the last 12 years of my life. i miss my friends. i really do.

anyway.

hmmm. i kind of envy my sister (may), she just got home yesterday from the province- where she spent the last two weeks of her vacation. i miss dolores so bad. really. but i really feel hurt when i remember what had just happened, and i swore to myself not to go back there unless our names are cleared. i really hate what had happened. sigh.

bitter pa siguro talaga ako. kasi naman e! hmph.

well, i guess i just have to enjoy my stay here in manila. matagal tagal rin yung balik ko sa place na yun. sembreak siguro.. wala lang. ima visit my mom. i failed to go to church last monday (deathday).

so there. summer holidays is about to end. but the real fun has just started.

haay buhay, one day you'll have people at your side, the next day... they're gone.

oh well, life continues. at least, i still got all my friends with me...

back in manila. why am i back to this place during a summer holiday?

long story. but i guess being back might help me.

i need to go back to my normal state. i need to find myself again.

crap!

on the brighter side,... kahit papano, at least i enjoyed my stay in the province. im going back there to make myself clear and to have fun again.

btw, i bought a sketch pad for myself and a new set of oil pastel. at least, i have something which i can use when im in or not in a good mood.

i borrowed dvds so i have something to do during a very boring moment. yesterday, after surfing the net, i started watching yuyu hakusho (ghostfighter). teehee, im having a rerun of it, and i only had it stopped when i heard ninong george open their door. ahehe. 5am na pala. then i had it continued after i ate my brunch, nakakainis lang na pinaalis ako sa kwarto when my dad arrived.. dahil andito yung pesteng babae niya. bwiset. so i continued the marathon by using the computer. kaya lang, some things really don't agree with your mood... bigla bigla na lang naccut yung pinapanuod ko dhil sira yung dvd drive. nakakainis.

but anyway, ima continue it. baka paalisin rin ako sa harap ng computer mamaya. kung san san na lang ako pinapaalis.

ahaha. at least i have money in my wallet. punta ako baguio pag pinaalis ako dito sa bahay. :D

omg. the heat has made me sick, and now, it's killing me. arrgh. i hate colds! i can bear having cough and fever and flu... but not colds. i was already packing my things a while ago - planning to go to the province - but i didn't have that much courage to tell my dad ... "pa, uwi na ko sa dolores. i can't stand being in here. manila is booring."

i have been in here for two days... two boring days, and i'm doing my best to escape boredom tomorrow. apparently, i can't because we're having a class party tomorrow at phyl's place. fine. fine. i'll go to the province on thursday. can't wait.

anyway, i have been talking to some friends, and they were like "oma, i've enrolled already in ust." "oma, i've pre-enlisted already" "oma, do you know someone who'll go to dlsu and wants to rent a condo unit" "oma, nagpamedical ka na ba". waaah. all college stuffs.

college hasn't really sunk in my mind. i mean. . . i'm still enjoying summer, and enrollment is still a month from now. so, i prefer to not think about it. college kind of scares me.

anyhoo, i kind of checked if i got a course in up... and i have a slot reserved in bachelor of arts (pol sci). kind of feeling guilty. i don't wanna tell my dad about it.... omg. i'm bad. i'm a bad daughter.

200720955

MAGSUMBOL

MARIA ROSALYNN

ALILIO

4022

Bachelor of Arts (Political Science)

change topic.

i miss going to school. a while ago, i was sort of longing to have another recess with the long table. i miss tep and the way she bullies me. i miss rhoda, and all the green jokes and stuffs she's always thinking of. i miss every friend i have in holy. i miss training football, too. i miss sheila.

oh well, ima take a bath. ima soak myself in cold water for an hour or more.
putek! ang init.

was having colds when i woke up. god it was soooo cold yesternight. i even had a bad, scary dream. CREEPY. i woke up at 3:44 am and i just stared at the ceiling, thinking if it was just a dream or if it was something real. then i remembered that i was in my mom's room so i looked at my side, and there, i saw my dad and sister sleeping.

i kind of wish the dream was real coz i had a chance to hug my mom again. and i was crying and telling her not to die...ahaha parang totoo. anyhoo, hindi naman.

i miss everyone in the province. i mean, im not used to sleeping all by myself and without doing anything stupid. it's so different in here. i see the same old couch and people all day. arggh. and like any other boring days, it's soooo hot in here.

got to go!

this thing is booring.

back in manila. ahehehe. A LOT has happened in the province. had a great time, actually, although i have been wondering of how to do this and that. we bathe ourselves in the river where there are these huge rocks suspended in the rocky wall, and in order to get there, we have to climb it... and that's what you call... WALL CLIMBING. galing talaga. and fun fun fun.

more stories later.

so i'm up the whole night. slept this afternoon, then woke up at exactly 1am. and now, i'm craving for food, but i can't cook. they left me with only rice in the rice cooker... and all that is left for me to do so that i can eat is either i microwave a pack of popcorn or i dig into a can of ice cream. arrgh! how will i feel satisfied if those are the only choices left? i know i love popcorn and ice cream. they are my favorites... but admit it or not, when you are way too hungry, you'll be wanting a nice and prepared dish served before your eyes. i wish i could wake everyone sleeping in here, especially now, that my dad hasn't gone home (again). pero i'm trying to be a "changed woman" na e (ahaha itao!), so i'm "respecting" people who are having a nice deep long sleep (in this house) because they have satisfied themselves with the dish they have eaten for dinner. arrrgh! i also missed a lot of tv shows. i wonder why didn't any of them wake me up. they are used to waking me up while i am having a deep good sleep, but now, why didn't they try waking me up. arrgh! my tummy's already creating sounds only i can hear. i think i have to choose between the two: ice cream or popcorn.

i chose ice cream.

well, i'm not really fond of eating rocky road... but that's what my dad bought for me.. i guess i have to finish it. selecta, of course! (ayan a, ella)

i was texting some people a while ago, apparently, i think they have gone to sleep since the two left awake didn't reply anymore. talking to phyl a while ago, but she had gone also. no one's online.... so .... i'm left with no one to talk to and nothing to eat except for ice cream.

i wish i was in dolores. surely, there's something to eat in their fridge. kaya lang, for now, i think it will be better if i stay here for a while. my status has been really bad. some people think that i have done something not so good. so... you know, i have been scolded (well, not really). they've just talk to me (secretly) thrice or even more times. well, i don't think i have to listen to every word since i've already gotten their point...but i have my stand. i mean, i haven't done anything bad. not a bit. i know when i've done something wrong, and i very much know myself better. oh well, i think i still have to follow. i HAVE to follow. following means being able to spend your vacation in the province. so, if i don't follow... it only meant one thing... being stuck in manila for the rest of the summer vacation. ay grabe! anyway, nothing harmful if i follow. so i will.

change.

again, i'm singing disney songs.

just imagine me singing alone just to entertain myself. done with mulan's songs... next is ariel's, then aladin's then hmmm pocahontas's.

Scarier than the undertaker

We are meeting our matchmaker

Destiny

Guard our girls

And our future

as it fast unfurls

Please look kindly

on these cultured pearls

Each a perfect porcelain doll

by the way, i had my hair cut a while ago. teehee. i was like.. "oh my god, that was about 5 inches being cut from my hair." just imagine how short it is now. still layered but really short. it isn't boycut but i find it boyish. actually, i told my cousin that i could pass in being a guy. ahehe. but it isn't boyish too.. just too short. really short. oh god. i actually wasted 5 months of letting my hair grow that long. oh my god! i just realized i can't even have it in a half pony. oh no!

oh well, it's hot..and short hair suits for summer. so enough of the regretting-because-i-had-my-hair-cut.

i don't miss school. but i miss some people. i miss anne. i miss aura. i miss marga. i miss detdet. i even miss gem. i miss kar. i miss ella. i miss... uhmmm. almost everyone in the long table. actually, everyone in who sits in the long table. i miss mael, too. i know she's like ruining most of my mornings, but she makes me laugh really hard. awww. i miss her. ahaha. i miss the way she laughs at me especially when i'm sooooooo not in the mood to talk to her. awww mael! namiss talaga kita. good thing, she's texting me. texting me because she wants me to buy her a puppy.

chasing cars currently playing.

i remember myself singing that song loudly while i was with the class on our way home from the province (field trip). i was like shouting the words in my own tune. "if i lay here, if i just lay here" then some sang the next lines with me.

love that song.

but i love "collide" more. howie day.

it's 3:08 am. still not sleepy. but i think i should go. computer certainly won't make me feel sleepy.

had a bonding moment with ninong george. just sharing. although i'm feeling not that really good... it's nice to know that there are persons left to listen to you at the same time makes you laugh. grabe.. nabibilang ko na lang sila. 1, 2, 3, 4... and they haven't made me feel bad. never. it's a good thing i still have 4 people. 4 people who makes me feel special.

spaghetti. cards. sleepovers. lambanog. table tennis. serious talks. bookworm. half a million. cousins. candles. driving. cemetery. greenwich booth. missed hambujan. okidok. wake up calls. cries. ruiner. basketball. isaw. scrabble. chess. defense. shocking truth. water spills. secrets. mass. fish. fun during good friday. abstinence. meat. cheese shake. promises. hugs.

so... it seemed like i don't exist anymore, really. i lost contact with the world, and i'm just thinking how i can regain what i've lost, although there isn't any way i can get those things back.

anyway, i was watching amazing race a while ago... i wish i could join that competition. i want to travel around the world or at least to different countries. can't wait to be a 21 year old LADY.

oh god, i don't want to grow up. neither do i want to hurry growing up.

erase erase the can't wait to be a lady. waaaah!but i want to join the amazing race. i wish there'd be a season wherein they will allow teenagers... then they pick an adult partner.

although the temperature still sucks for it makes me sweat all day, and taking a bath seems not to be very effective to make you feel better, i felt happy as soon as i woke up even though i was awaken soooo early by my dad. finally, he agreed to enrol me in ateneo. i am so relieved and happy. god, can't express how thankful i am. coz i really am. ahehe. finally. i've confirmed my slot in ateneo. at last. ahehe.

here comes my dad. arrivederci!

april fools' day, but i haven't done anything foolish. not even a single prank. ain't that boring? i woke up early in the morning (9am) just to enrol for my driving lesssons (which starts on tuesday) then visited my cousins in fairview then ate lunch with them then slept til 18:30. if i were only in the province, maybe i have already done at least 3 pranks to different people. see how boring Manila is?

i wonder why some people are so eager to go in here. this place is polluted, humid, exhausting, and... the living in here is such a waste of money. to be happy means to get your wallet and spend some money. everything in here is bought. even happiness, i tell you.

but anyway, aaaah. ang init sobra.

call centers.

wala lang. pumasok lang sa utak ko ang mga call center.

anyway, i wanna puke. i want to throw up. kanina pa ko nasusuka. pero i hate throwing up.. and i guess i'm not gonna throw up.

ahhh. i'm getting spoiled and rotten in here. ANG BORING. SOBRA.

right now, i'm not missing anyone. i mean. no one's on my mind. that's new.

actually, there's NOTHING on my mind because there's nothing and no one to think of. and if ever i'll be thinking of something at this very moment, ice cream will be on the top of my list. i wish i have a can of ice cream i can savor.

not feeling really well. tummy turning upside down.

updated my xanga. ahaha. it's been a loooongg while since i've last written an entry in that blog. funny really, that i've been one of those many people who signs up in almost all promotions in the internet -- friendster, multiply, livejournal, xanga and gmail. but i've never had a myspace account and the ringo.. and some other unnecessary stuffs.

before i forget...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KUYA I

anyway, back to what's on my mind. can't believe i'm growing. that kind of freaks me out. i mean... i was just a kid back then; playing barbie dolls, making the piano my house and some other fun stuffs. can't believe i'm not anymore the kid who used to cook rice in a clay pot instead, i've become one of those million people in front of the computer searching the net. sooo much have changed. i mean... out of a million kids there may not even be 1 one of them who'll be cooking in a clay pot. no more disney classics. if not 3D cartoons, there's the anime. every girl kid seems to have been hooked up to cartoons that are completely not girly. anyway, like we all care?

aheheh. naisip ko lang bigla.

still deciding. UP or ATENEO. my dad and i had an argument yesterday, and i'm still not talking to him up to this moment but i slept beside him yesternight since my younger sister is not around. i envy her, actually. she gets to stay in the province for a long time without my dad giving a damn unto her. what i meant was.. i don't think he cares at all. that was MY opinion,okay? make your own if you like. by the way, the opinion is not based on how i'm angry with him today. not really based on that.

wonder what it feels like being in the province. siguro ngayon, kinukulit ko si ate tilay.. or we're already eating lunch. arrgh. i want to write something but i just can't. ahehe. ala lang.. nothing related to anything written in here. someone just pisses me off. oh well, i don't want to waste my time on her.

awww. you know what, may (sister) was uhmmm...consoling me yesterday while i was crying. how sweet, right? ahah. i hate her still. (OKAY, that was supposed to mean the opposite of hate)

there are just some words that i can't really say. like... definitions of some things and some words and phrases that are not often said like... okay i can't type them. but just so you know, when i say i missed you.. i really do. that came out from the heart (ahaha). that's the only phrase i can speak out.

speaking of mushy words and phrases... ahaha. let's shift it to people. oh yeah.. meron lang talagang mga tao na kahit anong sabi or change of tone, intonation and stuffs... hindi sila kapani-paniwala. ahah. totoo. i don't feel what they've been trying to say. like... ahaha. anyway. at meron naman na kahit gano kasweet yung sinasabi nila,.. nakakahurt..

is it really them? is it just me that there's something wrong with? teehee. baka nga weird lang talaga ako.

teehee. being weird is fun. hindi ko alam kung bakit may mga na-ooffend na mga tao pag sinasabihan ko ng weird... i tell you,, it meant positively.. i LOVE weird people. they're lovable and worth loving.

ahaha. shiznit.

kung anu-ano na mga sinabi ko.

MAEL, i miss you na.

bad decision. very bad decision.

a while ago, i was being SO proud of myself because, for the very first time, i've made a decision on my own. i mean, i decided to just go back to manila and train for the "supposed to be" competition on the first day of april, but... apparently, it was postponed.

oh god. i should have listened to my titos and titas. now, i'm REGRETTING for coming back here in manila. aside from experiencing how humid it is in here, sooo humid that the electric fan doesn't work anymore.. i'm still perspiring. so now, i've missed how fun it is to be in a "perya" with all those different (kurimaw, jologs, malandi, full of make-up) but happy faces. i've missed all the bargains that i can make in those sideras. arrrgh. and i missed the fiesta, the birthdays about to come. that sucks. missing so many things SUCKS.

got my card... 4 subjects that is in the line of 8. math grade went down (what is wrong with me). accidentally inserted my finger in the electric fan. finger bleeding. wound again. i guess this year is the year of the wounds for me. not bruises. wounds.

ive already decided where to go. admu - my choice.. i'm still making my dad agree to support me. aaarrgggh crap. hope this isn't a bad decision.

failed to visit my mom while in the province. argggh.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

arggh. i need a thing to make me forget all the bad things that had happened. shopping and some ice cream, perhaps?

ahhh.

eating halo-halo.

god. it's really humid in here. inside our house. it's not yet the mid of summer, but it's getting really really really humid and exhausting. worse, i've been stuck in this house since the last day of classes (march 22). so... what is left for me to do is choose between three kind of interesting things to do. a) solve sudoku puzzles all day b) dvd marathon c) surf the net. obviously, i've chosen the third one... but i'll start the dvd marathon after i post this...then the a, i'm already tired of solving sudoku puzzles since i do it every night before i sleep and every day after eating breakfast.

kind of boring, right? oops... correction.. it's REALLY boring.

can't wait to go to the province. arrgh. i'm supposed to go there today, but unfortunately, my dad left me. can't believe him.

i don't know why i love being there... actually, i've been doing the same stuffs whenever i'm in there. hangout with my cousins. watch them play basketball. watch the tv. play gameboy. watch them play ps2. play cards. sleepovers. looong sleep. same stuffs. and, it's quite boring at times... it's just that the atmosphere in there is way better than in here. and in there, i don't get to spend lots of money to have fun. actually, i just waste my money to buy prepaid cards... since i still communicate with the people here in manila...

anyway, what's the point of ordering halo-halo... when i only like the milk, sugar, yam, and the banana. just wasting my money.. and some unwanted ingredients. i should have ordered mais con yelo

oh god.. i really can't wait to go to the province. fiesta's about to come. this friday, i think. arrrghh. unfortunately, i can't go there on the feastday itself. if not today or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, i can only go there after april 1 because of the football competition the team will be joining.

kinda sucks.

arrgh. just like ella, i miss home, too.

E7ITE.

fresh from graduation.

finally! i've graduated already. can't help but weep. although i'm kind of sick with my school, i'm sure that i'll be missing it. i mean, i'll miss the people i've met in there. true. no more class reminders. no more breaks with the long table. no more "tulugan sa sahig". no more laugh trips with mael. no more kar as a president. no more pananagutan classroom. no more everything. senior year and all the years i have been in SHS-QC will only be memories from this day on.

god. i wept when kim g. said in her speech how the first day of classes as a prep student was. i clung to my mom for two months... and now, i have clung to just memories for three years. i miss my mom. i know she IS proud of me even though i failed her expectation of me (to graduate with a merit award). there's a reason for it.. but anyway, at least i've graduated, and i have been the vice president of our class.

teehee. pampaboost.

god. i'll miss my batchmates. i'll miss my friends. i'll miss every single moment i had with my batchmates -- the E7ITE.

college, here i come. shox! i think i really have to choose up over ateneo even if I DON'T LIKE it. i mean. fine. arrrgghhh. i'll make a decision tomorrow.

i can't believe my dad. i can't believe my dad. i SO can't believe him. he offered a very bad deal. VERY BAD deal. i mean... he told me that i won't be having a graduation gift if i go and choose ateneo over up. WHAT is wrong with him?

and now, i'm thinking. if i choose admu. celynn won't get a gift, too. isn't that UNFAIR?

arggh.. and now, im talking to some of my sensible friends. both happens to be going to a school they don't want to go to. okay. i know that if i choose admu.. i'm the selfish one... but if i choose up... isn't my dad the selfish one?

what is wrong with people? i mean. i get so many options, and when i pick one... i won't be able to get it.. instead pick another one, then i still don't get it.. then a point will come that what is left is the one they want me to pick. bakit pa nagkaroon ng options.

at this moment, i'm kind of wishing na sana yung rules na lang dati yung mga i-implement ngayon, where ladies aren't allowed to think for themselves. i mean.. freedom is not really freedom because when you choose, there is always this second thought and you're going to be stuck there and think and think and think... and it will envelop you. and arrrgh.

true.

anne: THE PROBLEM IS.. YOU ARE LIKE YOUR DAD.

pero... in some ways lang, okay? not the whole of my personality.. because i believe i get most of my attributes physical, emotional, spiritual, social and psychological from my mom.. and the whole of my intellectual from her also..

i just got some things from my dad.. and now,,, we're clashing.. because we think the same on the very different wants we have.

can't believe i just finished reading a book. teehee. unexpectedly, my last day as a senior was a while ago. that would be my last time to be with the pananagutan as a whole. with the long table (although, trixie wasn't there) and with the entire school. god... having spent my 12 years in there was simply unforgettable. today, i have worn for the last time my school uniform (brown one). and right now... i'm wearing my PE shirt. (ahehe.pambahay agad)

hmmmm. can't believe i'm graduating 40 hours from now. (currently 00:00 - march 23). although i've been eager for that day (march 24), i can't help but wish to stop the time.

awwww. i hugged my most loved teachers (just missed some of them who weren't in the faculty room).

i wish all my titas and titos would be in my graduation. I WISH MY MOM WILL BE THERE, too. i remember anne asking me who will be coming in my graduation..and i said.. well, i wish no one would come... but at this moment, i just wish everyone can come to see me march on that stage for the last time and get my diploma.

awww. SHS would certainly be missed by not just me.. but by the .. good or bad... judged or stereotyped... loved or hated... cheaters or honest... noisy or silent... bossy or being bullied... aggressive or patient... 187 graduating students of batch 2006-2007.

ELITE

can't sleep. that wasn't new. i'm unnoticingly becoming an insomniac.. or shall i say, one of the people who lives at night. ahaha. owl? LOL. "people" nga e. for more than a month or two, i only sleep for more or less 3 hours a day. lucky if i get more than 3 hours.

anyway, why am i whinning over my lack of sleep? good thing meron akong unfinished book. ahaha. pampalipas oras... para antukin... plus i borrowed another book from my classmate..

kailan kaya ako uuwi ng probinsya? although i want a really different vacation.. gusto ko pa rin umuwi dun. may tao or wala. awww. wala na. we're all growing up, and getting busy with our lives. no time for leisure and fun. ahaha. basta ako.. all time intended for fun... ahaha. masabi ko pa kaya to sa college?

god. what a tragic story. celynn and i had a movie marathon. we watched poseidon, then the day after tomorrow, and lastly, the titanic. god! i have watched titanic for uhmmm 5? 6? 7? times,but up to now i still cry with a heavy heart after finishing the very long story.

jack dawson. leo's really really hot. too bad he's not straight. hmmm. i wish i had that diamond necklace and... jack, of course. after the whole ship sinking stories... i think i won't be able to ride a ship, anymore. i swear... it's traumatic. i think i'll have a greater fear riding ships or cruises or boats that travel for days than riding a motorcycle that gave a scar on my leg. ooh... crap! i don't want to die drowning in the ocean because the ship i was on sank.

teehee.. jack and rose...

if you jump, i jump, right?

SWEET.

exactly 1008 days after the tragic start of my agony. but for now... give me a break. i don't want to whine over some selfish people. whew. i've let all the bad feelings, spirits, aura out of me yesternight... and i want it completely out of my system, although it's quite impossible to just let go of them that easy. breathe in. breathe out. breath in for luck. hands down. ahaha.

so i went back to school this morning. god. i walk completely like a penguin because of the sprained ankle. plus i sing so not in the proper tune. for short... kulang na lang.. people will call me mimble happyfeet. ahahah. oh crap. i want to have a baby mimble stuffed toy. cutie! sana my wounds won't leave scars, and my feet goes back to its normal size before march 19.

oh right. before i forget

Happy Birthday Kar!

Happy Birthday Mags!

greetings to both my friends whom i find very true to me. friends who i know i can really run to when i need people who will just ride with what i say (eg. "peste ayoko talga si ***.." "ako rin..." and the conversation continues) ahaha. love you guys.. thanks for patiently waiting for me while i walk up the stairs. yeahboi!

seriously, i just don't want anyone to ruin my day, my moment, my life.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! can't i just end it. i'm losing all my strength.

irritated. i'm pissed with everyone in this place people call house. honestly, people in here are irritating and selfish, and it has reached the end of my patience. i was reflecting a while ago if the wrong is in me. but i don't think it's my fault. im pissed. totally irritated and pissed. arrggggh... and you know what's worse? there's just no one to talk to, and it's really sad. it's really really sad. i'm left here teary-eyed, controlling emotions, pretending to be strong. i want to burst out my feelings, but to whom? i wanted to call someone.. but i don't even know who's that someone. mouth shut. eyes just staring. mouth wanting to shout all kinds of vulgar and profanity. but im left here... still pretending that i'm okay. my tita's house is just next door, but i don't want to talk to anyone. i don't want to speak out everything inside me fearing that people will just pity me and talk about me behind my back. i hate sympathy.

honestly, i want to cut my wrist, but i am afraid that i'd be living in a more miserable life. i hate solitude, but i don't think i'd be loving to have all the attention on me. i hate too much attention. i hate misery. i hate. i just hate my current state.

anger. i know i've said too much because of anger, but realizing it won't make me take the words i've spoken.. i'm stuck in here, in this place i call house, with knees scraped, an ankle still swollen, face bruised. i looked like as if i was battered by a drunkard, but i wasn't. i got these bruises i have in my face just this morning when i fainted. i remember myself walking towards the restroom to bathe myself and prepare for school, but when i finally got there, everything around me just went black... then there was a bang,and i just found myself lying on the floor in my sister's bedroom, celynn trying to pick me up. from there, i just realized i fainted. i didn't even recall myself walking out of the restroom... good thing my sister was in the room.. though got really shocked with my sudden collapse. i was there lying just wrapped in a towel and asking for one thing -- water. just a glass of water.

i remember how i cried yesterday.. i remembered how i made my coaches confused because i can't describe what i was really feeling. pain in both my legs. and then crying for my mother. yes, i surprisingly found myself shouting and calling for my mom. then just before the clock struck twelve, i tried to call my mom's cell no. as expected, it didn't ring. so i texted my cousin.

wow! it's been a long while since i last heard something about him. he seemed so preoccupied with his work, and i was surprised when he replied to my message. well, congrats he got promoted! but that wasn't the only thing that made me somehow smile. he replied. it was so unexpected, then again i just realized i still have him to share all my stories and craps in life. but yesterday, i hesitated to share my reason for texting him.

just last month, i remember myself very ecstatic and completely contented, but now... i'm in the state of damnation... with nothing and no one to console me. just last month, i kept on thanking god for everything, but yesterday, i started to ask him the same questions again. the question that seemed to have no answer.

everything in mind is currently not in its proper organization. loneliness drives me mad. manic. i am depressed and manic.

on the brighter side, i have a gallon (is this a gallon?) of ice cream to erase all the bad feelings i have inside. ice cream!!! munch munch. it IS the only thing that makes me happy when sad.

injured. so what? what is wrong with people? 1. everyone was literally staring at me when i was walking with all those bandages i have around my leg and ankle. 2. people just leave you. 3. people scold you for having swollen ankle and scratches. 4. you're seen injured but they don't help you at all (talking to people inside the house) bwiset. pero injuries.... aren't they part of life? aren't they part of training?

on the brighter side... haaay thank god, those fx drivers know me... and hmmm. they love me. ahaha. kidding. they showed concern. at literally.. tinanong nila ako kung okay lang ba ako.. at kung kaya ko pa umuwi. all hail fx drivers! though they're the last people whom i expect to show concern to me.

people vanish.... and so i can vanish too. bwiset... biglaan akong mawawala.. and everything will never be the same again. oh funny. i've got loads of photos and videos crying and smiling with tears in my eyes. shiznit. teenage crybaby ... i can't help it... it was painful.. or shall i say.. they were painful.. kneescrapes and sprain

ay naiirita talaga ako. disappointed. angry. and.. in total pain. shiznit.. masakit paa ko.. pero i have to pretend that im okay.. coz if i won't do that.. i will certainly be not just forced but will certainly be prohibited to play football. what is wrong with people? dyan ko nalalabas lahat ng galit ko sa buhay.. bakit ba may mga shiznit lang talaga?

naiirita talaga ako.. in times of trouble... puta.. i was left alone.. paninindigan ko na... i'll live life all by myself. at naiirita ako na injured na nga ako.. ayaw pa ko ipag-init ng tubig.. ay peste. self service talaga... pag nawala ako.. tingnan natin kung hindi nila ako hanapin.. pag nawala talaga ako.. i'll see to it that no one finds where im going to hide.

ahh... peste...

temper temper..

self service talaga.. ako na taga boil ng water.
ako pa taga kuha ng ice.

so i weep. i weep for i didn't get what i want, and call me any names you would like to call me... but i feel so sad that i'm going to study in up. and to whomever this entry is addressed.. i hope she reads this. i really hope she does.

now that im going to some place that i didn't wish to go to, i want everything to be fair enough. i get what i don't like. i'll let you get what you don't like. as long as im alive, no ceremony is going to happen. nothing is going to happen. fair enough? yah. i think it is. and since i get what i don't deserve to get,, i will certainly demand for more. and to whomever this entry is addressed, don't dare show you're fugly face to me. coz i swear, once i see that, you'd be going home fuglier that what you look like right now. i hate it that you're still existing. god knows that i'm just making my patience go longer. but since you've reached the end of my patience, i swear that one of us will live in hell... and i swear to every person i love, that it's not going to be me and i will make sure that it would be you. i hate it that you have this unbelieveable guts to show your face to my relatives... if only you knew how they curse you at your back.. aha! well, i think i do things better than them. i make sure what i say reaches your ears. im going to let everyone know what your agenda really is. and if you think that you're more powerful than me.. think again. you may have all relatives at your side plus one of mine.. but i have every single souls in heaven with me and all the one existing on earth at my side.

take this from me. now that i don't get what i want, i will make sure that you feel how is it like living in hell.. living in a place you've never wanted to be in. we can never be put together. i'll always have a knife with me,in the form of everything that comes out of my mouth, to stab you especially when im in the mood to do such thing. i haven't met you personally, but i don't think i have to. facts are proofs that you're someone i should hate even without the actual meeting with you. just the sound of your name irritates everything inside me.

i am not mad. I AM ANGRY. angry because.... you came in a manner no one decent will ever dare to do.

let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. who doesn't know these shakespearean lines? every SHS senior knows that by heart.

broken hearts. lately, hearts have been broken by friends, girl friends, boy friends and lesbian friends. truly, no one seems to be there for you forever. who says you would actually end up together? whooo.

it's been a two months. god knows how i've been struggling with the bad. oh yeah. heart is broken but not because of some sickly boyfriends. god! why do people think their going to end up together someday, when the fact is they've just started knowing each other. that makes me sick.

currently1:14. why am i blogging, anyway? ahaha. waiting for mael, who might already be sleeping. akala ko ba walang tulugan? hmmp.

so what do i talk about now,?

ooh. let me talk about my friends. oh yeah. i love them. 12 days from now, and we'll all be off for new lives and new worlds. naaay! whom will i run to when that day comes that i'd be needing true friends agaiN? anne? mags? aura? ella? patb? rhoda? hope they will all be available. college. i don't still have a sure university. i mean.. hmm. i passed in all but my dad and i are still arguing where i should be going. Admu or Up? if i go to admu.. hooray! if i go to up.. not bad, but god.. i don't wanna be there. not because i'm not used to radical people.. it's just that.. i think i'll be feeling safer when i am in a smaller community.

vacation.. oh yeah. 13 days to go.. vacation na. no plans yet.. except for ..hmmm. plans made because of boredom in school. plans with mael and aura. plans with anne and kae. there are so much to process this summer. a driver's license, a passport, confirmation of entrance in college, and a lot more. teehee.. hindi ba pwedeng parents na lang magprocess nun.. why do college teens do the processing all by themselves? what if we are not used to it.? what if i'm not used to lining up in the counter and waiting for my turn to have my tuition paid and have my schedule for the whole semester. ooh.. not exciting,, but i think, i'll get used to it sooner or later.

creepy!

hmm. so .. one more requirement, then i'm cleared. aaah. computer project na lang. and we are still on the process of making it beautiful. aaah. i was never fond of making webpage designs.. i don't think i'll be using it in college or in the near future. seriously, i don't think i'll need all those html tags and codes. masyadong marami.

so mael's not coming back. aaah. wala palang tulugan ah.. loko loko talaga yun. i hope she reads this.. MAEL!!!! sabi mo you're just going to take a shower.. 5 hours na. don't tell me hindi ka pa rin tapos.. or let me guess, you're already sleeping. hmm. fine..

ohh well, that's it for now. i can hear papa getting up from bed.. oowweeeh... lagot na ko!

the finals have started.

a while ago, we've finished the physics exams.. 4 more days to go then graduation here i come. can't wait. i'm done with majority of the projects. 2 more projects then i'm done with my clearance.

i received a note stating how i've done so bad with my accounting classes. i didn't feel bad. i just don't know how will i let my dad sign that slip.. so there, im thinking of a way on how i'll let my dad sign it without hearing all the things he has to say.

the first time i failed an exam,, i was crying to my mom, and she was like... "that's just an exam... numbers that can affect the numbers in your card". but she's the opposite of my dad so i guess, i'm not going to hear those words from my dad.

oh well. I WANT TO GO TO BAGIUO on march 9. right after the test.. so that i can shout out loud in a high place that finally, i'm done with my high school years.

anne juco was asking a while ago.. "hindi ba talaga natin kaya or masyadong marami lang talaga?"
and everyone was like.. "marami lang talaga..."

if only teachers knew how many people sleep just an hour before they have to wake up for the "supposed to be" next day... if only they knew why everyone looks sleepy in their classes.. if only they knew that it was never good to put together the deadlines of different projects in just one week.. probably, im not coughing right now. or not having this clogged nose..

my biological clock has already been destroyed.

oh well, that's why i wanted to shout in bagiuo. i'll scream on top of my lungs and pour out everything inside me and how im feeling on that day that i've finally finished all the job to be done.

surveys from the school are coming out, asking if we or the parents want to have the school changed to a co-ed one. huge NO WAY! if that happens, shs will become a public school invaded by rude people.. if teachers are already complaining about how we behaved this school year.. what more when the time comes that boys will be part of that conservative school that has been my somewhat home for 12 years?

i certainly don't have anything against coed schools.. i just don't like having the school changed to something like that.

i can't help but react.

a while ago, i was looking for some papers in the cabinet where we store important documents. i was looking at every envelope and folders when i saw this photo album slash scrap book of my mom when she traveled in singapore. awww. i miss that smile. it's been a while since i've witnessed her still smiling even though she's in total pain. i can't believe that i have survived without my mom who used to do my project and who used to be the only person knowing my secrets. i miss her. i just realized i lost my mom who used to be the source of my strength and hopes and smiles. i miss hugging her. i miss everything in her.

i scan the pages of the album and there i saw many pictures of her with tita marie. i can't help but react. i felt sad that she just disappeared in a snap. maybe there was a story behind it.. but i felt sad that when my mom was burried, i never even saw her friends when i was young - tito bobby, tita tess, tita marie... almost everyone she used to spend time with when we are in school.

i picture myself 30 years from now... and i wonder if i'll have the same death.. not having my friends beside me. god. that must be terrible

17. now that i am seventeen.. i want to thank the top....

17 closest people
1. celynn
2. geloi
3. kuya ian
4. aura
5. anne
6. marga
7. tiopao
8. cheska
9. mommy
10. rhoda
11. det det
12. ate jen
13. dom
14. ella
15. may (mary ann)
16. danica
and my one and only
17. mama



17 next to closest people
1. gem
2. kae
3. cheska
4. ninang dolor
5. papa
6. may (sister)
7. manel
8. aj
9. boni
10. ninang ople
11. tita lita
12. tata buloy
13. ki
14. krista
15. deo
16. alvin
17. mac

THANKS. SUPER... hmmm. oh yeah..

at dun sa first 17 na naggreet sakin since feb 1.
1. deo (feb 6)
2. chesca (feb 6)
3. UNKNOWN (feb 16)
4. anne (feb 18 sa time nila)
5. alvin
6. itao
7. aj
8. dom
9. danica (saktong 12 sa time ko)
10. ate jaycy
11. joseph
12. chad
13. mac
14. ella
15. mommy
16. ate jen
17. don

BIG THANKS

so the party for me has just ended. i've got so many people to thank for.. uhmm.. tata buloy, tita ludy, ninang ople, ninong george, ninang dolor, ninong gman, ninang lita, mommy, tito vic, papa, ninang linda and ninong alex. so there.. they all made the day before my birthday a special one.

in exactly 52 mins... i'll turn 17.. uhmm not really.. i was born at the 9th our 23rd minute of feb 18, 1990... pero... it's just 23:08.. but... sige na nga.. in just 52 mins.. i can't anymore sing the sound of music's song.. i am sixteen going on 17..

for now.. i wanna sing it .. i've downloaded it in my limewire.. i am sixteen going on seventeen. lalalalala. .. god.. another year from now i'll be 18.. not anymore a minor. shit! no way! i don't wanna rush my time.. actually, im still enjoying my being juvenile and young and carefree.

curious.. what will be happening to me on my 17th year of living here on planet earth.. god. i am so excited! ahaha.

checklist.. must haves
[ ] ipod
[ ] new phone
[ ] laptop
[ ] driver's license
[ ] sudoku puzzlebook
[ ] brad pitt dvds
[ ] blood diamond dvd
[ ] unforgettable summer vacation
[ ] trip to the north or somewhere out this island
[ ] package from someone else
[ ] lots of babyruth chocolate bars
[ ] sexy body
[ ] return of my flawless legs
[ ] removal of scar
[ ] nice happy life
[ ] lots and lots of fun

i have to have all of these this year.
kung hei fat choi... it's year of the pig.. maybe i should have a pet pig

so i got all majority of my grades go down. only 4 retained... then the rest literally went down. god. how am i supposed to make it all go up? shiznit. oh well, at least im going to the province today. ahehe. namiss ko na umuwi ng probinsya. 7 days from now then i'll be turning 17.. is that a good thing? hmm..

my piece for oratorical won... i didn't know i can write.. galing. ahehe. clap clap clap. beside me, at this moment, is nigel. too bad, he's not coming with us in the province... 15 mins from now, and i'm about to take a bath.. ahehe. excited. grabe.. i've got loads of homework to do, but i still don't want to prioritize it..

rarrr. third quarter looks like i screwed everything.. hmmm. sige na nga.. ima study.. para at least naman, i graduated with a merit award... kaya ko to!

still haven't got a college. ako yung taong pumasa pero wala pa ring university. oh well,,, sige na,.. ima fix my life.. my prosec grade went down from 98 to 90.. see how i screwed my subjects? anal geom went down from 93 - 87. aaah. sige na.. fine.. ima fix it.

fool me. boost me. change me. catch me. attract me. curse me. make fun of me. push me. cheer for me. accept me. train me. console me. feed me. look at me. talk to me. laugh with me. sing with me. volunteer me. get angry with me. shape me. enlighten me. consult me. advise me. dance with me. understand me. love me. care for me. punch me. kick me. seek for me. long for me. jump with me. fly with me. unleash me. protect me. test me. imagine me. question me. feel me. run with me. . . . be me.

a lot has happened lately. one wrong move can start a war. but at this moment, all i want to do is sleep, dream, relax.. and hope that when i wake up... i'd still dream and fantasize...

the school fair has finally ended. it wasn't boring because i was doing something in the morning (training and game) but it wasn't that fun, too. there were more rides (tsubibo and higad and inflatables) this year, but i didn't get a chance to ride in any. i only spent money for food and tickets... that's all. and i think this is the only fair where i get to limit my spending. that's something good.

hmmm. my team won 2nd place in our first ever game... although, our team was the only one who didn't get a chance to compete with assumption,,, at least we won 2nd place. ahehehe. thanks to ces.. who got a chance to goal during the penalty. ahehe.

the house is currently empty. where are the people living in here? they all left me... solidarity is good..but it sometimes drive me crazy. where the heck are they?

happy birthday to B.Lo.

belated to Joan and Ayel.

we went to EK.. thanks for treating all of us ayel.. and thanks for the transpo joan and for dropping me in our house. papa has arrived. nothing much has changed except for hmmm... the bed i used to sleep on. i vacated papa's room and went back to my old comfy bed... it was smaller.. but i'm used to it... i sleep there whenever papa's around...

hmm. so how was my life lately? still manic... but it's getting more fun although dramatic at times. but it's fun.

so january 5 was our batch field trip. we went to dolores, quezon and hiked up a part of mt. banahaw. although i've already been in that place loads of time, it's still different when i'm with a different group of people. i had a different kind of "fun" since i'm with my classmates. awww, too bad, it's our last trip together as a whole batch.

pictures are posted in my multiply. it's for everyone to view... so just visit it and comment there.

i passed ateneo. wohoo! i tell you, it was very very very unexpected. here's a short story of what happened last saturday. i woke up with 6 messages on my phone. 1 from rhoda saying that she didn't pass in ateneo. another from ella asking me if i passed in ateneo and the rest were good morning greetings and quotes from different people.

rhoda told me to check the internet... so i did check it.. and when i typed in my name, "name not on the lists" always appear on the screen. so there, i didn't pass. but the thought of it didn't sink in me because i just woke up. then i texted ella and gela and rhoda saying that i didn't passed in ateneo.

gela was like ... "seryoso?" (yup)
ella said.. "weh, oma...si kar nga pumasa eh" (duh! kar yun! antalitalino yun)
rhoda was like .. "okay lang yan, maraming top 20 ndi pumasa, si pig, b.lo and etc" (ay weh)

then i doubted... good thing patb, texted me and congratulated me. ahehe! yehey i passed. hindi pa pala nakapost sa internet that time. so i did a little celebration for myself. i invited kae, and we went to mall of asia together with her sister, her boyfriend's sister and kate. we watched the pyro olympics. it was super amazing. although the plan was... i'll be celebrating my success in passing ateneo, it didn't turn out to be that way.. but at least, i get to watch an unforgettable moment. plus i get to experience riding a cab from SM Fairview to our house at 2:30 in the morning, with nothing for defense and an empty battery cellphone that i surely can't use in case i met an accident or i need it for emergency. good thing i arrived home safe though shaking. i was so nervous while in the taxi. my knees where shaking. my mind was so functioning. in case the cab stops, i'll go out and run. that's how it worked. i know the taxi driver was a little bit drunk. that's why i got so nervous. his breath smells like alcohol. he drives on a zigzag manner at some points.. and i just can't define how i freaked out silently within myself.

so that was it. ahehe. i can't promise not to come home at an hour like that.. but i'll try not to. it just depends on my mood, actually. if i want to go home.. i will.. and no one can stop me from going home. if i want to sleep in someone's place.. i'll surely will ... and no one... can surely make me go home. that's how i am.. ahehe. and i'm really really sorry for being like that...