anger. i know i've said too much because of anger, but realizing it won't make me take the words i've spoken.. i'm stuck in here, in this place i call house, with knees scraped, an ankle still swollen, face bruised. i looked like as if i was battered by a drunkard, but i wasn't. i got these bruises i have in my face just this morning when i fainted. i remember myself walking towards the restroom to bathe myself and prepare for school, but when i finally got there, everything around me just went black... then there was a bang,and i just found myself lying on the floor in my sister's bedroom, celynn trying to pick me up. from there, i just realized i fainted. i didn't even recall myself walking out of the restroom... good thing my sister was in the room.. though got really shocked with my sudden collapse. i was there lying just wrapped in a towel and asking for one thing -- water. just a glass of water.

i remember how i cried yesterday.. i remembered how i made my coaches confused because i can't describe what i was really feeling. pain in both my legs. and then crying for my mother. yes, i surprisingly found myself shouting and calling for my mom. then just before the clock struck twelve, i tried to call my mom's cell no. as expected, it didn't ring. so i texted my cousin.

wow! it's been a long while since i last heard something about him. he seemed so preoccupied with his work, and i was surprised when he replied to my message. well, congrats he got promoted! but that wasn't the only thing that made me somehow smile. he replied. it was so unexpected, then again i just realized i still have him to share all my stories and craps in life. but yesterday, i hesitated to share my reason for texting him.

just last month, i remember myself very ecstatic and completely contented, but now... i'm in the state of damnation... with nothing and no one to console me. just last month, i kept on thanking god for everything, but yesterday, i started to ask him the same questions again. the question that seemed to have no answer.

everything in mind is currently not in its proper organization. loneliness drives me mad. manic. i am depressed and manic.

on the brighter side, i have a gallon (is this a gallon?) of ice cream to erase all the bad feelings i have inside. ice cream!!! munch munch. it IS the only thing that makes me happy when sad.