god knows what i have been through recently. gosh! i have been through the most hell-ish days of my life..

oh well, im trying to move on.

wounds of a broken heart.

harr harr! sigh. im trying to get on with life. in fairness, i went back to the province, and once again, i felt the home-y ambience and the security it gave me way back 1600s. it has been a long time since i stepped on that land. and i have missed the provincial atmosphere. and... honestly, i wanted to go back to quezon again. pero.. ahaha. wounds of a broken heart...wag muna. dito muna ko manila.

im trying to adjust to big changes.
and again a person just disappears.
promises again broken.

sigh. good thing i've talked to my most trusted friends. and i can't believe that i have confessed almost everything that had happened to her. teehee. sa bagay, i can't keep my own secrets. and for the first time in 2 months, i didn't weep before i sleep. but my eyes are still.. a bit swollen. but im used to waking up with those kinds of eyes - heavy, swollen and tired.

so what's up with me lately?

i won't deny that i am not well. im depressed and wounded and scarred and all that. im back to being a drama queen. im lonely. im emo. and im wishing that i could withdraw myself from the outside world.

once, i have been my own world with someone. and it didn't last that long. it was destroyed by an unknown powerful force. once, i have learned to believe in things unseen; in magic, in promises, in plans... but slowly everything just disappeared and part of that everything is that only person i have believed in. everything just happened once. and it also disappeared at once.

once, i held on to something i haven't seen and up to now im still clinging on to it.
but should i stop now?
should i let go?
should i be what was i was before?
should i return to reality?
should i stop believing in my own beliefs?
should i go now?
should i withdraw myself?

i honestly have so many questions in my mind, but it always ends on the same scenery... with myself bursting into tears, believing, hoping, and wishing that everything wasn't a dream... but a reality.... and that every promises made were not proofs of an overused cliche.

once i have had made a sanctuary.

and i am hoping... that no matter what, that stays where it was, protected, standing and and undestroyed.