i can't help but react.

a while ago, i was looking for some papers in the cabinet where we store important documents. i was looking at every envelope and folders when i saw this photo album slash scrap book of my mom when she traveled in singapore. awww. i miss that smile. it's been a while since i've witnessed her still smiling even though she's in total pain. i can't believe that i have survived without my mom who used to do my project and who used to be the only person knowing my secrets. i miss her. i just realized i lost my mom who used to be the source of my strength and hopes and smiles. i miss hugging her. i miss everything in her.

i scan the pages of the album and there i saw many pictures of her with tita marie. i can't help but react. i felt sad that she just disappeared in a snap. maybe there was a story behind it.. but i felt sad that when my mom was burried, i never even saw her friends when i was young - tito bobby, tita tess, tita marie... almost everyone she used to spend time with when we are in school.

i picture myself 30 years from now... and i wonder if i'll have the same death.. not having my friends beside me. god. that must be terrible