at this moment, i can't possibly explain what i'm feeling. really. i feel so nervous because of the upcoming UPCAT. man!!! really i am. and i even felt surprised when i found myself studying biology and english for the exam. waaah. really really not me. but with all the expectations pressuring me, i think i really have to. i feel it's a must to pass, and i feel that it's time to prove them right. that i am not a good girl transformed into a bad one. i still am a good girl. really good girl. oh god! i really need God's help.

pray for me. i need those prayers.

anyway, just having a break from the long biology reviewer making. waaahh.. i'm really panicking.

last night i dreamt that it was already the examination day. it was 5:30 when i reached UP and was left by my mom at the testing center. 6:00 came when i realized that i forgot my testing permit.

waah.. i think that was a reminder for me. dreaming something like that makes me really nervous. yah i really am so paranoid right now. then add the nervousness that's freaking me out.
because of that, i've set 3 reminders for myself about the permit. 1 set at night before the test. 1 set 4:30 am on the testing day and 5:00 set 1/2 hour before the test.

i know! i am so paranoid.

but anyway, i'm already done with my ACET essay. yes. i did another one since the first one(thanks to raissa) was mushy. the second one (thanks to anne) was i think boring. the third one (thanks to the computer) was erased and the fourth one (thanks to myself) was lost. yes, i actually made 5 essays. i've sent the fifth to my cousin, then he'll recheck it for grammar. i think that one is the best essay i've made. it satisfied me and i really felt so successful when i was reading it. i really hope it won't look boring to the reader because for me... it's something that can pull me up in case i am just wait listed.

hmmm.. more to come.

ps. senior year isn't tiring but really pressuring.

retreat.

the retreat we had last july 17 - 19 was really not good. there are times that i really wanted to sleep while the talk is going on, but i can't. it was boring but i that was the only retreat na naging seryoso ako when it comes to praying. in fairness, i REALLY prayed. my favorite part is when anne, ella, and i are already inside the room, sharing our secrets and our hidden selves. it was really really fun. i get to know them better. eating was also fun. kaya lang puro chicken. but the longganisa (which is obviously not a chicken) tastes great. not like the ordinary longganisa with the parang plastic covering na kadiri.

hmmm.. what else? as usual, to have fun, we did some mischiefs.

as i have said before, i did get to know more of anne and ella. well, i really wish anne gets to read this though i know that she doesn't visits blogs.

anne. she's not just a good friend.. she is a very very nice friend. one of the very few people i trust with my most delicate secrets. i really love her, and it's sad to think that in just a few months, she'll be going to states to continue her studies. i'm going to miss her.

ella. as you well all know, she's one of the best friends i've got. haha.. JOLOGISTA TAYO!!! woohoo... it's not just fun to be one... it's SO FUN to be one.

haha..i really wanted to say everything that happened inside the room or what we shared inside the room but i think i can't and am not allowed to be able to protect ourselves. hehee..

but i'm a bit disappointed with our retreat. the activities are really disappointing pero good thing na rin na lahat ng groupmates ko ... HINDI BORING...

by the way thanks for all who gave me palancas.

:-)

nakakainggit.. umuwi sila lahat kahapon. nakakainggit. y can't we go there too? nakakainis talaga..

haha. oh well, WANTED MAID na ulit.. mamaya aalis na daw katulong namin. naka 3 araw lang siya.. haha.. haven't beaten the one day record. grabe. i wonder what is wrong in our house? madali lang naman linisin kasi maliit lang. tapos wala pa kami palagi so walang nag-uutos. she can do whatever she wants to do. tapos pag-andito kami. wala rin lang naman nag-uutos. as in plainly luto at linis lang siya. i really don't know why househelpers in our house can't stay that long. ever since january we already had hmm.. approximately 10. tapos yung iba hindi ko man lang nalaman yung name. haha.. who'll be next? and how long will she stay? those are the questions.. takte.. palagi na lang kami nagkakaroon ng bagong katulong.. haha.. 11th na ata yung dadating.. sana meron dumating. and good thing i'll be out for three days. haha.. skip household chores.

retreat is just 2 days ago, and im a bit excited. haha. but not to the point that im already packing my things because i don't plan to pack all my stuffs.not today not tomorrow.

hmm... i guess all will be doing some little mischiefs. haha.

according to the two sections who already had their retreat... the place is big but the rooms are nothing compared to the rooms at the school's retreat house.

roommates are anne and ella.. they will surely be good roommates. too bad gem will be in the next room to us..but woohooo.. ngayon lang ako naexcite talaga.

3 days away from home and school is something to look forward t

palancas ha!!! make me one

no classes tomorrow. what can i say?

SPEECHLESS ---

i'm so happy. but remember

Everytime you pray or ask for a typhoon or a flood to occur, think about the homeless people who shiver all night long in the cold cold streets. Think about those children who sell sampaguita in the roads. Think about the price of our selfishness.

--> tama ba namang isend sakin to. hahah.. but still, celebrate!!! we'll be having rest tomorrow.

i'm so sorry, i'm a bit selfish, but whether you agree or not. WE NEED REST. I NEED REST

classes were suspended.

as usual, everyone in the school became hysterical. ella and i were the first ever high school students to be permitted to go out. haha.. while everyone else was in the building, i was already in the car, sleeping. too bad, pamayanan's retreat was not postponed. they still have to continue to go to batangas. but like any other day, we arrived home at around 4pm. so it was not realy something to be happy for. but im still thanking the typhoon for there were less classes and no homewrk andno club. thanks thanks! whatever is the name.

actually, we have a homework even if we attended 6 classes but met two teachers only. COMEX. it's supposed to be passed tomorrow but it was given a week ago. damn! i haven't done it yet. nonetheless, because of my brilliant mind, i already have a title for a work not yet existing.

my stock epithet is: THE PRESIDENT WHO REACHED MOUNT EVEREST.

compared to the Big Winged Butterfly, i think the new one is more catchy. geloi suggested A Burst of Laughter. well, it's a bit of me, but i had a hard time explaining it.

once on a cloudy night. i woke up from a dream i woke up because i wanted to pee. it was exactly 1:27am when i got back on my bed and then the next thing i knew is that i can hardly sleep. once on a cloudy night all i was thinking is about a person and that caused my failure to go back to sleep. once on a cloudy night i was just staring at the ceiling for 2 and a half hours and then poof! at last i got asleep and the next thing i knew is that its already 5am, and i have to take a bath.

it just happened once. but i haven't forgotten that night simply because it just happened yesternight. duh! who wouldn't forget that? hahah

that made me crave for sleep all day.

if only i can erase the fact that i have seen something. if only i can wish that everything didn't happen. if only i can slit my wrist. i might do it. but i will not and i cannot stand seeing my blood oozing. and i don't want to hurt myself. and i don't want to die in the first place. but errrrr!!! stupid ideas just come inside my mind whenever there is a dull moment.

right now, we're completely forgotten. (i think).

celynn and i are just alone a minute ago. may just arrived. and all three of us haven't eaten. there's food in the kitchen. but rarrr!! as i've said. i think we're completely forgotten.

college orientation was not a really big help, but i really thank for it since we didn't have classes for two days. well, im not really here to talk much about the college orientation since i haven't planned about my college life.

the "long table" that's how we call it just had so much fun every break time. we had concentration games, shaggedy and ice ice water. and that is something one included in the table can look forward to every lunch. we make noise. we occupy a big space. we act a bit childish. but who cares, right? it's our life!!! and seniors' life is way more fun.

sadly in more or less 8 months we have to part away.. but.. uhmmm. i think as long as we're seniors. we don't have to think about it. we'll just be having fun and enjoying each lunch time.

p.s.

i just finished watching season 3 of OTH. waaah.. it's really bitin.. and i can't wait for season 4. rarrr!!! what will happen to brooke? is she really pregnant? what will happen to nathan? will he die? what's next.

soon to find out in one tree hill.

Again and again. Again, for the nth time, we have to change our maid. Ano ba yan? Wala pa ngang 1 week yung katulong na bago eh. Well, it’s my dad’s decision, I think. The previous made went out a while ago, and has not yet come back. Due to this, I think my dad got irritated with it. He doesn’t like that kind of manner nor do I like it. Beside me, is my dad interviewing a new applicant. The decision is still pending. He still has to consult all three of us and talk to the other made once she arrives. Well, God is still good because every time our maids go, He just gives us again and again. I thought that our current maid will stay for good na because I had this very good impression when I first saw her. Now, as far as I can react, I don’t really like the way the new applicant looks like, but who knows, she may be the one for good. Hahah

Still planning who are the people that I’ll be getting for my recommendations in Ateneo. Retreat date is becoming nearer and nearer and I’m excited because of the plans we had (my roommates and I had). Wahah!

stock epithet of myself: the big-winged butterfly

we had this communication exercise a while ago to replace the absence of mrs. ben, and that's what i made. anyway, more or less, there are 35 weeks left before we marched to the stage. i can't wait for that day, but for now, i'm still enjoying life as a senior. as of now, the patch power is kind of fun. i'm not bullying lower grades, but with the patch you get this respect from them without saying anything to them. let me repeat, i don't bully lower grades because i don't even talk to them except during club or to my younger sister.

the company my friends is giving me is really really, i can't find the term in my head, but i'm really happy i'm back to where i belong..

mags and ella simply are my best friends, and i truly love them for that because i am able to share almost everything to them except for my toothbrush and undies and other personal stuffs.

anyway, i just want to update because i'm kind of bored right now. in school, almost everyone still fancies zac efron.. but in our table with my tablemates during lunch,,,it's f4 who's returning.

that's it.. chop! chop!