in the past, i remember myself being open to everyone. i never had my own world, or if ever i had, i find everyone so welcome in it. but now. a chosen few stays. and i feel as if that i have to have my own world again. a disclosure from everyone for me to be free again and for me to find myself again.

i am completely lost in this world full of strangers. i feel so endangered. i am exposed to some people whom i thought i knew well, already, but now, i find them just like most people -- they're strangers to me.

let me be free again. i am having a hard time to cope up with the changes in characters, in situations, in everything. let me have my world back. if needed, let me be alone again. i want to retrieve what i have lost -- myself.

you who have judged me have taken my self-esteem -- the only thing that was left in me when i lost almost everything. and i hate you for that. really, i hate you.

i want to be alone again
i want to find my home again
im lost, completely lost
and haunted by everything that was done to me.

i want to find myself again
in a world where i got used with solitude.
let me be free and be able to sing and dance to the music.


anf if ever i'll be myself again, i'll be opening my world again, not to everyone like before, but to people whom i know deserve to be in it.

i am in a different at this very moment, lost, wounded but struggling.

so everyone's enjoying the loooonnnngggg weekend. 6 days of doing anything you want. me? wednesday was hell boring. thursday... i went out with my high school friends and watched a love story. friday... hmmm, i went out with my sisters and ate in yellow cab and chef's de angelo. teehee... got pretty full that my tummy didn't have space for dinner. saturday... slept all day in bed since it's comfy and cozy and it was soooo cold even though i was wearing my sweater and im wrapped in our comforter.

hmmm. dinnertime came, and i got a pasalubong from my elder sisters.. sundae from jollibee! fits my cream of mushroom soup. ahaha. had a nice dinner. we were laughing all the time.

living with all my sisters was really missed. i mean, without ate jen in the house, there were less moments of laughters and more of arguments. but now, dinner won't be complete without all the stories and laughters we share. teehee. mushy na.

ahaha. sige i've got to go. that's it for my 4 days of break.. 2 days more. then hell day, hell week, hell month will come.
shitty.

:D

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love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired - mark twain.

have i changed?

was i better?

im sorry.
im sorry if im like this
if i happen to be so stubborn
if im selfish and don't think of what others might feel
im sorry
if i do what i want
if i don't follow rules
if im always hesitant
im sorry
if i sometimes seem to not believe you
if im pessimistic
if i seem not to consider your opinion
im sorry.
i really am sorry.

but i mean it when i say im sorry.

i really do.

sigh.