2nd sem has started.
and i am here in a computer shop with my blockmates who happens to be playing counterstrike while myra and i are already bored surfing the net.

god knows how many sites i have visited... but i ended up here... blogging.

what a lame thing to do.
hmmm. i've been really emo lately. what have i been doing? ahaha. being emo and stuffs. really really lame. ahahaha. but good thing i've found some people to talk to.. and tada!!! im super feeling weel na.

anyhoo, have really nothing to do.
:D

ciaO!

fear.

i am getting more afraid of facing every morning.

i am close to being a schizo.

and guess what....

no one cares about it.

im close to being insane.

i need help.

i need a hand.

i need to be happy.

fear.

it's slowly killing me

and sucking the joys out of me.

fear.

i hate it.

but it flows through my veins.

since i wake up this morning

since i felt weak.

fear. it kills me.

god knows what i have been through recently. gosh! i have been through the most hell-ish days of my life..

oh well, im trying to move on.

wounds of a broken heart.

harr harr! sigh. im trying to get on with life. in fairness, i went back to the province, and once again, i felt the home-y ambience and the security it gave me way back 1600s. it has been a long time since i stepped on that land. and i have missed the provincial atmosphere. and... honestly, i wanted to go back to quezon again. pero.. ahaha. wounds of a broken heart...wag muna. dito muna ko manila.

im trying to adjust to big changes.
and again a person just disappears.
promises again broken.

sigh. good thing i've talked to my most trusted friends. and i can't believe that i have confessed almost everything that had happened to her. teehee. sa bagay, i can't keep my own secrets. and for the first time in 2 months, i didn't weep before i sleep. but my eyes are still.. a bit swollen. but im used to waking up with those kinds of eyes - heavy, swollen and tired.

so what's up with me lately?

i won't deny that i am not well. im depressed and wounded and scarred and all that. im back to being a drama queen. im lonely. im emo. and im wishing that i could withdraw myself from the outside world.

once, i have been my own world with someone. and it didn't last that long. it was destroyed by an unknown powerful force. once, i have learned to believe in things unseen; in magic, in promises, in plans... but slowly everything just disappeared and part of that everything is that only person i have believed in. everything just happened once. and it also disappeared at once.

once, i held on to something i haven't seen and up to now im still clinging on to it.
but should i stop now?
should i let go?
should i be what was i was before?
should i return to reality?
should i stop believing in my own beliefs?
should i go now?
should i withdraw myself?

i honestly have so many questions in my mind, but it always ends on the same scenery... with myself bursting into tears, believing, hoping, and wishing that everything wasn't a dream... but a reality.... and that every promises made were not proofs of an overused cliche.

once i have had made a sanctuary.

and i am hoping... that no matter what, that stays where it was, protected, standing and and undestroyed.