2 days ago, i arrived in manila from a vacation in boracay and as soon as i landed here, problems were already thrown at me.

now, people around me are also having problems and suddenly, i felt the need to be rich. almost always, i feel that dilemmas arise because of the small amount of income. my family, for example, is depending on just one parent who already has his own family and so his income should be split into two yet sometimes i feel that the other family is getting a bigger share of the pie. they already got my dad away from us, and they're still getting whatever should be equally allotted for us.

and so now, i feel the urge to be rich. i wanna win the lotto, and i hope god allows me to win one big jackpot prize. i want to help my dad by making him stop working. the other family already has a source of income (thanks to the business my dad put up) and by winning the lotto, i'll pay for my sister's huge tuition fee.

i want to feel financially stable and not anymore depend on my dad, and hopefully, i could put up a business and help my nephews and neice as well. i wanted to help other people too who can't afford to be happy because they're having financial problems too. like my neighbor, whose age is the same as my younger sister's ,who has to work in a fast food restaurant just so she can pay for her tuition fee. i can't believe it at first because her parents just bought a new car, yet she is forced to study in a school without much reputation even if she passed UST (one of the best in this country). i wanna help people, so god, please help me. i wanna pay for my own tuition fee and my sister's and some other people if i win that big money.

sigh. i feel bad that i feel so impoverished even if we can afford to buy things. my dad's tired, he has to have a long vacation. i wanna make him happy and my family happy. :(

so help me god

dear life, you kinda suck now. first my sisters are being a bitch. all of them. sometimes, i just wanna give up being their sisters... i can live without them. all of them suck. they need something from me and all of them have to be sooooo demanding.

can't i have my life? my life needs to be for them all the time. what happened to living for myself?

i got drunk and cried the whole night 2 nights ago. and i woke up the next day thinking i was already dead.

dear life, you are so demanding and challenging.

i was able to regain my energy when i saw kliff young and i knew that my life is in manila. a while ago, i felt like blogging. pero haha. okay biglang kausap ko na pinsan ko. so tinamad na ko.

but ya. after quite a long conversation with a relative, i realized... it's time to say goodbye to my past.

so bye bye now! will never see you again